My fellow Americans, it is with great pleasure that I stand before you today to preach the good news of Christian nationalism. Yes, you heard me right – Christian nationalism, the idea that America is a Christian nation, chosen by God to lead the world.

But let’s be honest, who needs separation of church and state when we have a president like Donald Trump who is clearly chosen by God to lead this great nation? And who cares about the diversity and religious freedom enshrined in our Constitution when we have the one true religion, Christianity, to guide us?

Yes, my friends, it’s time to embrace Christian nationalism and all the benefits that come with it. After all, it’s what Jesus would have wanted.

First and foremost, Christian nationalism ensures that America remains a white, Christian country. I mean, who wants to live in a melting pot of different cultures and religions? It’s much easier to demonize and marginalize people who look and think differently than us.

And let’s not forget about the importance of imposing our Christian values on everyone else. After all, what could be more Christian than forcing your beliefs onto others? And if they don’t agree with us, well, we’ll just call them unpatriotic or un-Christian.

But it’s not just about forcing our beliefs on others – Christian nationalism also allows us to justify our hatred and discrimination towards anyone who doesn’t fit our mold. We can demonize Muslims, immigrants, LGBTQ+ people, and anyone else who doesn’t conform to our narrow worldview.

And let’s not forget about the importance of putting America first. Sure, Jesus may have taught us to love our neighbors and care for the poor and marginalized, but who has time for that when we need to make America great again? Let’s build walls, ban refugees, and cut social programs – because that’s what Jesus would have wanted, right?

But the best part about Christian nationalism is that it allows us to ignore all the inconvenient parts of the Bible. Who cares about turning the other cheek or loving our enemies when we can bomb them instead? And forget about the importance of humility and compassion – let’s elect a president who brags about his wealth and mocks the disabled.

In conclusion, my fellow Americans, it’s time to embrace Christian nationalism and all the hate, bigotry, and hypocrisy that come with it. Let’s ignore the teachings of Jesus and instead use our religion as a weapon to impose our beliefs on others and justify our own prejudices. After all, isn’t that what being a Christian is all about?